Hit and Miss
by Dungeonwriter
Summary: Mai tells her life story, trying to piece together how she had become so sharp and deadly, and the boy who hits the mark for her.


I wrote this one-shot for the Avatar Fic-athon. It's a Mai-centric story and it can be read alone. It is meant to also be a companion piece to Just the Girl. I wrote this from an idea before I saw the Beach.

Dead Center  
  
My life is a series of hits and misses.

When I was born, I did not meet the target. I was not beautiful. From the moment of my birth, I had known that my father looked at me with disappointment. It was not only that I was female. Unlike other savage tribes, girls were treasured in the Fire Nation and allowed to pursue martial arts.

Of course, a female's chief duty was still to provide an auspicious match for her clan. A plain, pale, sharp-faced child, I knew my father despaired of ever finding me a wealthy husband.

The nurses would laugh at me and tell me to eat more, so I could have plump and rosy cheeks. I ignored them and ate even less to show I did not care what servants thought! I preferred being alone with my own thoughts.

At five years old, I heard my father joke that about his daughter being more useful as a weapon then a wife. I had toddled out of the room, dropping the pink flowers I had picked for Father on the floor. Ever since that day, I hated the color pink.

At least Mother understood me. Mother was pretty, but she too had harsh angles in her face. At night when I dream, I can see her again. She always dressed in dark, dramatic colors and she was very tall. Even though it has been many years, I remember her so very well. She would lovingly pin up my hair and wrap ribbons around my ox-horns, telling her how lovely I was.

In the springtime, Mother would pin lovely white flowers to my hair and make me the little queen of the garden. "You have sharp eyes and chiseled features; you are the prettiest girl in the world," she would whisper as her small hands caressed my face. When I think back now, I remember how sure and quick her hands were. That is clearest in my mind.

I remember when Mother taught me how to throw shuriken. "We always get our target. Just focus on what you want and achieve it," she would say during our training. Mother could hit any target. With one look of her dark eyes, she would always achieve her goal.

I wanted to be just like her. I spent hours training every day, hoping to one day achieve a mastery over weapons just like her. "With shuriken, you keep people at a distance. You only let them in if you want to," Mother said. "That way, you can preserve your secrets."

I loved being alone, keeping people at a distance. I loved how no one could see a shuriken until it was too late. That was like me, underestimated until the moment I proved them all wrong. Someday, I would be greater then anyone in the world.

I had loved to practice. When other girls would sit with their dolls, I would be tossing pinecones at various targets, trying to improve my accuracy. Father would ask me to speak to the other little girls who lived in the capital. He would invite for dinner the wealthy pampered daughters of noblemen. Of course, I had no interest in them. I only saw my target of being just like Mother.  
Father had been determined to raise the family's status. By bribes or Agni knows other methods, he got me appointed a lady in waiting to the Princess Azula, the niece of the heir of the throne. "Try to please her, Mai. She's a very special young woman. Only seven years old and already mastering moves students twice her age can't attempt. A pity she was not born a boy," he had said happily.

Despite my gloomy expectations, I enjoyed my life in the palace. Azula had been an interesting target to master. She was like a dart, cutting and cruel. As long as I maintained an obeisance nature and showed loyalty only to Azula, things were wonderful in the palace. As long as Azula had other victims to torment, everything was fine. She would lead me and the other ladies in waiting into cruel games against various people. Her schemes were brilliant and always worked.

I learned a lesson the first day when the princess pushed a girl down the stairs for beating her in Pai Sho. Azula was wonderful to be around as long as she too had a target. I had learned quickly to always let Azula win and never ever allow myself to outshine the princess.

It was only when my focus would be broken by sidelong glances at Azula's brother that problems began. Zuko was a different sort of target. She had no way of winning him. He had no interest in the games the girls played. I did not blame him; Azula was always cruel to him. She enjoyed humiliating her brother in any way possible. Ordinarily, I would be happy that Azula had found another person to torment, but I felt strangely different when Zuko was around. My hands would clench and I would long to kill my mistress.

Azula had found out anyway. She always did. Therefore, she had decided to play a cruel prank. She lit an apple on my head and tricked my noble Zuko into dumping me into the water. She had put my life in danger only for a cruel joke. I had sworn one day I would get revenge.

"You should tell Zuko you like him!" Ty Lee had said once. Another lady-in-waiting, she was another oddball of the group. I never saw her as someone worth noting, besides use for target practice. Ty Lee was the kind of daughter Father would have wanted, lithe, beautiful and graceful. She and Azula were special friends.

Today, Ty Lee had forgotten to make a mistake in cartwheeling. To my delight, she had gotten pushed down and punished. Like all of us, Ty Lee never cried about the secret slaps and punishments she received when she outshone the princess. It was just the way things were. Even I had almost forgiven her for the prank.

It was impossible not to love Azula, because she made you feel so frightened of her power and grateful she didn't unleash it on you…yet. Of course, that attitude didn't transfer to the other ladies, who turned on each other at will. Ty Lee was in a cruel mood and I knew it.

"Leave me alone," I said angrily. I would not allow anyone to control me. I would meet my target and I would never allow anyone to deny me my dreams. I would one day marry Zuko and be queen of the world! Mother would stand by my side as I showed up all the people who called me ugly.

That target could never be.

The letter came from Father one morning. Azula smirked as she handed me the soft vellum scroll, the wax seal burned open. "Poor Mai."

_My dear daughter,_

_Your mother died of dragon fever last night. She will be dearly missed._

_Father_

My hands shook. How could Mother die? She could take out a hundred targets without missing. Surely, she must have faced down the fever with the same spirit that she faced down everything else. Azula patted her shoulder. "Poor, poor Mai. Now you are the lady of the house."

"I've…lost…Mummy," I whispered, my eyes tearing up. "How would you feel if you lost Lady Ursa?" I snapped.

Azula slapped me with one of her cruel little hands. "Shut up. I wouldn't be shedding tears like a baby. She's dead. Move on. If Mom died, I'd be the first lady of the house. If Dad died, I'd be closer to the throne."

I turned away and ran to my rooms, holding the letter in my hand. My eyes blurred with tears, so I couldn't have hit the broad side of a barn with my shuriken. I did not care. I held the letter close to my heart and cried, hiding under my bed. Meals passed, the sun moved across the sky and I refused to leave my room.

I finally heard gentle footsteps by my bed. "Are…are you all right?" a soft voice asked. It was the voice I always wanted to hear any moment but now.

"Please go away, Prince Zuko. I'm begging you," I asked, wanting to be alone.

"Azula told me about your mother. I remember her from a party. She was very nice." Zuko said, lying down on the floor so he was next to me. "I just thought you should know that."

In spite of myself, I nearly smiled. "Thank you," I whispered.

"I don't know what I would do if I lost my mom." The prince looked so funny, sprawled on the floor. If my mother were still around, I would have laughed. I could not believe the grandson of the Fire Lord was getting dusty for me.

"I just feel…so alone. I had so much to tell her." I wanted her to see me marry you!

"Well, if you want to talk, I'll listen. And I won't tell anyone." The prince reached out and took my hand. "You can also talk to my mom if you want. Please don't be sad." He gently pulled me out.

"Well, if it isn't the two love-birds. Don't tell me you two are going to kiss?" said a cruel voice. Azula was smirking at us both, leaning against the door.

"Go away, Azula." Zuko stood up in front of me. "Find some turtle-ducks to torture."

"Mai's my friend, Zuzu. Not yours. She wants to come play with me, right? She doesn't want to be a loser like you." Azula said, giving me a significant look that promised dire consequences if I didn't say no. She was the last person I wanted to be around. I was finally alone with my Zuko. I wanted him to hug me so I could cry on his shoulder.

I didn't say anything for a moment. I finally had my target in my sights; I could not lose it now. "Mai?" Zuko asked, his warm eyes looking so concerned for me.

My throat closed up and I realized I was weak. "Go away. I want to be with Princess Azula," I whispered, turning my back on him. Azula was strong and the favored one, she would destroy me. I had no choice.

"You made the right choice, Mai. Weaklings like Zuko deserve to be alone." Azula later said. We were all alone. Life was bleak, boring, and useless. There was no point to any second. Azula was my tormentor and my friend. Zuko was my heart's desire and my enemy. Nothing made sense.

I always wondered what would have happened had I the spine to stand up to the princess. I would have been there, empathizing with a broken Zuko after Lady Ursa disappeared, instead of rejoicing with Princess Azula. I would have stopped Zuko from walking into that war-room. Then we would have been married and I would be the future queen of the Fire Nation.

Instead, I stand in Omashu, bored out of my mind with my stepmother and new half-brother as company. Zuko languishes in exile, scarred and broken. We both missed the target of the life we wanted.

I keep hoping I have a chance to live life again, to do something worthy. I missed my chance before, but if given another chance, I will find Zuko and help him. I will play the fool until I find my heart's target and then I will repay him for the comfort he offered me. As for Azula, I have a special shuriken waiting to be aimed at her black heart.


End file.
